Oi!

Oi!  You over there!  Yes, you, chewing on that wad of gum as if your life depended on it.  What is wrong with you that you can’t dispose of it properly?  Would it really have taken that much out of you to wrap it up in a piece of paper and put it in a bin instead of spitting it out on the street?  How disgusting!  Do you know how much I dislike finding your used, gluey sweet stuck to the soles of my shoes and on the wheels of my buggy?  Today there was a lump of it stuck to the handle of the shopping trolley I was using.  Are you as repulsive as your nasty habit?  Does it cross your mind at all, where your gum ends up after you hock it out onto the ground? What about the animals that fall foul of your vile littering?  Have you ever paused for a moment to look at a bird whose claws are glued together with a lump of hardened cement thanks to your laziness? 

And consider this.  When you couldn’t be bothered doing the right thing in a café but instead, stick your gob of gum under the table, think for a minute of the people who will sit there after you.  The people with small kids.  Mine, for example, tend to pick off your masticated mess and horror of manky horrors, pop it in their own mouths.  What do you think of that?  Not very nice, is it?  I bet you wouldn’t appreciate being served your drink in a lipstick stained glass.  I bet you’d be off like hot snot to demand that your drink is replaced.  So why do you think it’s ok to be so filthy and unhygienic with your chewy stuff.   For the love of god, people, if it’s not too much to ask, would you please, put your chung gum in the bin where it belongs after you’re done with it, and not on our footpaths or anywhere else.  Right?   

And while I’m all fired up and on the subject of litter.  I live in hope of one day catching the bastard who sees fit to dump black plastic bags of rubbish in the countryside.  My countryside.  You are a pig!  Pure and simple.  The stuff I see scattered on the roadside is not debris blown from domestic bins.  A Christmas tree, a toaster and a microwave oven were just some of the discarded junk I saw this week alone.  It astounds me how people think it is ok to chuck their refuse out of their car for someone else to take care of.  Crows sorting through mounds of nappies spilling out of a burst bag is a pathetic sight. And for those of you who are not in the know, there are free recycling bins in the town for your glass waste.  Would the scumbag who abandoned that box of empty beer bottles, please take note?  The drainage ditch is not the place for anyone’s trash.  What gives you the right?  My two and a half year old knows not to throw litter anywhere other than the bin. Wise up to yourself.  You might be here for a good time but I want this world to be here for a long time.  I want this world to be here for my kids and their kids to enjoy when we’re long gone.  I don’t think that’s too big an ask. 

Have a bit of respect!  For yourself if not for the people who populate the area you are soiling with your dregs.   

I’m royally pissed off now so I’m going to keep going and get a couple more things off my chest.  They might be slightly off topic but, does anyone in top manufacturing companies actually think things through at all?  For instance, it is not cool, it is not clever, it most certainly is not appreciated that you put paint for children in a tube, and in teeny tiny print declare that it is not suitable for finger painting!  FFS!!   What do you think little kids are going to do with it?  Be careful?  Lemme tell ya, I had green hands for 36 hours.  Green! 36! It was Christmas week lads!  Come on!  My kids were like miniature Incredible Hulks.  And just so you know, for future reference, because you clearly do not test run these things, the paint is not “in” the fekin brush!  Same topic but different piece of merchandise.   I’m talking about hand held paint pens where the child squeezes them and the paint comes out like toothpaste.  The clue to what will happen is in the instructions.  Same as that old chestnut where every action has an opposite and equal reaction.  In this case; all over the friggin’ place.  You might like to change your tagline.  If you want to invent an item that does exactly as it says on the tin, have a go at something useful. Like, I dunno, off the top of my head, clothes for teething babies perhaps. In particular, something that has a built in bib or some sort of absorbent fabric in the chest area for excess soakage, for example.     

I’m just sayin’ is all.  These might just be a couple of things to consider over your next big brain storming session.   Goodnight.  Over and out! Where’s me gin?