I had one of those mornings during the week that made me
reminisce about my life BC (Before Childers).
BC my wakeup call was an alarm clock at 7.30am and not a child between
the hour of 6 and 7am. I fired a pile of
All Bran into a bowl, chopped a banana on top and added milk. Got dressed in clean clothes that had been
carefully left out the night before.
With matching shoes. Once someone
even stopped me on the street to admire my suit and ask where I got it. God, those were the days. I took massive delight in their shock when I
told them the suit was bought in Penney’s. When you’re a size 8 -10 you can
wear anything well. Sometimes I even
brought in a cappuccino and a croissant for a treat before “work” started. “Work” involved, depending on the various positions
I held, answering phones, imports and exports, booking people for work, Dictaphone
typing, dealing with money, coping with the public, drinking tea, doing a spot
of filing, photocopying, arranging house viewings, going on a lunch break, then
watching the clock in the afternoon for the countdown to home time. It used to take me all day to do that. Just look at all I can get done before 8am
these days. It was six thirty on this particular morning recently and I needed
to get up as Mister Husband was on his way to work and some of the Screecher
Creatures were awake and restless. This
is never a good sign. Things get
demolished on mornings like this. On
peeling myself away from the bed and slowly standing up, I was assailed by Things
That Need To Be Done. One of my pet hates:
bed linen. Two double beds, a single and a cot needed to be targeted. Screecher Creature No. 1’s pillow had dried
blood on it having had 5 teeth extracted the previous day. Blood is a bitch to
remove. The hot press was teeming with
clothes and looking to be cleared out to make room for what was in the washing
machine. Which would be refilled from
the over flowing laundry basket in the bedroom.
Kids were waiting for their clothes so they could get dressed, then have
their breakfast and their teeth scrupulously cleaned afterwards. A distinct odour hinted that a nappy needed
changing. But before that, the potted
plant in the hall had been attacked again – several Screecher Creature No. 4
sized handfuls of soil were sprinkled on the floor. The same child had also gotten
into the bathroom and taken a shower in the toilet. Which hadn’t been flushed!!!!! The kitchen sink was overflowing with dishes
that had mysteriously appeared overnight.
The draining board was also piled high.
There were empty beer bottles (5 in case you were wondering) that should
have been put into the recycling bin along with the empty cardboard boxes and yogurt
cartons that also graced the counter top.
The floors were in dire need of a sweep.
And a wash. The toddler was busy
emptying two drawers in the kitchen; stuff all over the floor, some of it had
rolled under the press where the kicking board had been removed since last winter.
Funny smell emanating from there
too. One child was expected at Montessori
in an hour’s time. The others would be
expecting entertainment at home thereafter.
I still wasn’t dressed. I took a basket of clean linen out of sitting
room and shoved it into the hot press where I could forget about it until I
opened the door again. Another toddler
alert. This time he managed to pull the
pipe out from under the sink and there was water all over the floor. One job inadvertently done I suppose. The older
boys were going mental in their bedroom, refusing to put on the clothes I had
left out for them. Instead they were going through their drawers, (each other’s!)
to select their own. Screecher Creature
No. 3 had at that moment decided to wake up.
It was still only 8am and he was in the horrors. His underpants were caked with the half-finished
poo he made in his sleep. He was refusing
to let me help him so I went into the kitchen to get out the bowls for
breakfast. Spotted my phone on the
counter top and hoped no-one had been trying to contact me as it had upped and died
the day before. Too much sweat and
condensation from running had finally taken its toll. Another thing to replace. Made me think of the car and how it needs
fixing too. Still. I will drive to town for milk and essentials
only but no further. Too dangerous. Especially on roundabouts or whenever I need
to stop which is often. Screecher
Creature No. 3 was still roaring but acquiesced and allowed me to help him in
the bathroom. Screecher Creature No. 4 was
crawling around after me shouting as he wanted the tails of my top to hold as
he sucked his thumb. I threw a pair of
tights at him and he sat back on his haunches, humming. Content for another five minutes until I prepared
his breakfast. Shit! Did we have milk??????? Upset child was clinging to my leg as I did
the necessary to his rear end. He needs
to see a doctor. Tonsils are so large
they are affecting his hearing and quite possibly the reason he has been so
lethargic of late. I wanted to take the thoughts of another hospital visit and
bill, stick them in the hot press along with the laundry. Dammit!
Now I was thinking of the laundry again.
That made me think of the state of the house in general. Toys everywhere. Most of them broken. The unused stairs piled high with bags of
clothes for recycling, tools to be stored upstairs, a cooler box from our
holidays that had to be returned to its owner, magazines, books and various
other bits and pieces. And that’s only
the inside of the house. I am beginning
to think there is a lot of truth in feng shui.
De-clutter your home and it will de-clutter your mind. Back into the kitchen where I tackled the
stinky pile of cloths from the sink leak.
Emptied the washing machine so I could store them in there. Made breakfast for a toddler who would not
wait any more. Cajoled the others to the
table for theirs. One was dressed, one was
naked and another was half and half.
Watched as they ate and dropped food onto the table. Their childish toilet humour made me
smile. Screecher Creature No. 4 has a
tiresome habit of sticking his thumb in after each spoonful of food. We were going to be there all day but as I
hid the one and only Coco Pox bowl, at least the others weren’t taking turns to
eat. Began to mentally download my
list. Needed to get code from a weekend
break away card to order school books on line.
But first had to get to the bank to put money into my Laser card so I could
pay for them. Was thinking that maybe Mister Husband could do that for me. It would save me heading into town in the
broken down car with small kids.
Screecher Creature No. 1 seemed to have had a growth spurt on holidays
as his trousers wouldn’t fit. Stop
growing! I can’t keep up!!! I hope his
trousers for school will still fit him! Had
to go in search of something that did fit him.
Found it but it was too short. It
would just have to do. Took out veg,
garlic, ginger and various other ingredients for a stir fry for dinner. Will invariably get one of them that will
refuse to eat it. Tough! I am sick of mashed up beige and brown food
for them, chicken nuggets, spag bol, disgusting pancakes and drop scones, bowls
of Weetabix, toasted sandwiches, yogurts and the never ending peeling of
bananas and apples. It’s my choice of
dinner today. Made me remember Monday’s
dinner. A proper roast leg of lamb with
all the trimmings to make up for the stodgy holiday food the week before. It took me all morning to prepare, and I was
the only person who sat down to eat it. I
am slumming it today with a stir fry.
Three quarters of the kids were fed but it was time to offload one of
them. I issued loud instructions to find
shoes or whatever they wanted to put on their feet, put them on and get into
the car. I put Screecher Creature No. 4
and his tights into the car first to buy me some much needed bathroom
time. Nine o’clock on a Wednesday
morning. How are you? What else have you got in store for me? Please let me get this child to Montessori
and have a bite to eat when I return home before you throw anything else at
me.
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