I was 8 months pregnant with Screecher Creature No. 2 when
we received planning permission for Mister Husband’s Dream Home. Five years ago. I remember it because not only was I with
child on the holy day that is The Immaculate Conception, that day is also my
birthday.
He spent months, possibly years, drawing his brainchild,
tweaking this and that, asking me for my opinion which was given and then
always nicely but firmly not taken on board as my ideas did not match the
vision he had in mind. In fairness to
him, he consulted me every step of the way.
He even spent his Saturdays in DIY stores and small family run businesses
collecting brochures for bathroom furniture, door handles and other bespoke
bits and pieces. The preparation was
fastidious and very carefully thought out.
Did I mention I was eight months pregnant and riddled with
hormones? A house build was the farthest
thing on my mind. When Mister Husband
was discussing things like wheelchair accessible bathrooms next to our bedroom
on the ground floor for our autumnal years, this to me translated into towels
and shampoo. DId I enough of those in
my hospital bag? Did I pack an extra
towel for the baby?
When he spoke of under floor heating, all I
could think about was under sheets for the baby’s cot. Looking at colour charts made me think of
smarties. All those lovely colours you
see.
So fast forward a few months, Screecher Creature No. 2 was
very much integrated into the family and it was time to submit the plans for
approval.
Guess what?
I didn’t like
them.
Huge spanner in the works. Major headache for Mister Husband. Newly post-partum crazy lady about the house
or not, he wasn’t best pleased with me.
It didn’t matter that I had indeed been consulted at every junction;
I didn’t like the fact that our sleeping quarters were downstairs while the
boys were to be deposited upstairs. I
was practical about it then alright.
Who
was going to be getting up in the middle of the night when there was a bad
dream, or when someone needed to do their wee’s, or if there was a fall out of
a bed, a possible need to settle a sleep walker, or to offer a drink? Me, that’s who. And what would happen in the event of a fire?
Nope, this wasn’t going to work.
In the wind up, the arse fell out of the construction
industry, Mister Husband altered a few details on the plans and the bog got bog
standard sanitary ware, which is just fine thank you very much. The
house came along in many fits and starts and the day arrived when we just had
to bite the bullet, pack up out of our old place and move into the new.
There was a bit of a rush to complete the downstairs
bathroom, put down some sort of floor covering and turn two rooms into
bedrooms. We would make do until such
time as it was possible to complete upstairs.
A little tiny bit over two years later and that time is upon us. We are finally ready
to embark on the Big Move Part Deux.
This year we might even have a proper place to put up the
Christmas tree. Last year that conversation
went something like this:
Me: “Our Christmas tree is pathetic, isn’t it?”
Mister Husband: “Yeah.” (Man of very many words.)
Me: “We could go large, Perry and put it on the
landing” was my suggestion.
Mister Husband: “No, Kevin.
This’ll do.”
Our Christmas tree was
barely two foot tall and it sat on the counter top. It was the top deck of an artificial
model. It was also the only way to
endure the festive season with three mobile boys in the house. The smaller the tree the better. The smaller the mess every day and the fewer
the arguments about them tearing it apart, the better.
This year the older boys have outgrown a festive fascination
with an indoor tree, but Smallest Boy will be in his element.
Him and his four legged constant companion, Juno.
This year it will be a toss-up between him and the dog as to
who does the most damage to it.
Oh wait. I forgot. I bought twenty four (twenty four?) peppermint candy canes in the €uro shop on Thursday.
What was I thinking?
The poor tree doesn’t stand a chance.
Ah well. This year,
definitely, without fail, I will be able to escape the mayhem and retreat
upstairs.
Upstairs. That’s
worth repeating. Upstairs, upstairs,
upstairs upstairs, upstairs.
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