Things I Won't Miss When They Are Back in School

So they’re back to school in a matter of days now.  That means summer is over and it’s time to dig out the sleeping bag and travel mug for the car. Because let’s face it, that is where we are going to be spending most of our time.

Already the evenings are dark enough to need lights on at 9pm.  Boo! 

I saw a sneaky Christmas ad on the goggle-box during the week.  Winter stuff is in the shops and I have a fruity chicken curry recipe taped to the inside of the press door.  Bye bye summer salads and chilled glasses of wine in the garden.

Sun block is on special offer because no-one needs it now.

The grass is starting to slow down and the swallows are preparing to leave us.  The fields are empty plains of yellow scratchy stubble and some of them are already grubbed, getting ready to receive next year’s seed.

Just when you become used to one season, the next one throws muted yellow, brown and red colours at you. 

I am going to miss summer so frickin much!  Don’t go, please don’t go! Stay for another little while.  Like maybe another six months.  Go on, I won’t tell anyone.

As much as I am going to miss all the lovely things and joys that are synonymous with summer, there is a whole pile of stuff I won’t be missing when they go back to school.

In no specific order these would have to be:

The late bedtimes

The upside to them going to bed late is there naturally follows a later wake up in the morning.  This is totally acceptable.  In fact the shit crazy me of yesteryear would have given her second and third born for an 8am wake-up.  However, at present it means I haven’t seen an 8pm bedtime in about two months.

The constant demands for stuff

Ok, so this isn’t going to entirely stop – but the biggest offender will be back in the confines of his classroom and the demands persistent requests to go to the Euro shop/for play dates/to entertain him will cease.

The Spending of the Money

Again, this won’t stop entirely.  After all, there is no such thing as free education and in order to break the monotony of the day, on occasion, I herded them all into the car and we went to the shop for milk.  This litre of milk always, always cost me anything from a fiver to a tenner with all the extras I invariably picked up.

“I’m bored” and “What can we do today?”

I definitely won’t miss these complaints.  But they won’t miss my snarky answers of “are you now,” and “I don’t know.  What can you do today?” either. 

The Parks

God, the parks.  With their swinging swings and their slidey slides and my kids who go “push me” and “watch me” and me going “where’s the bloody man in his cappuccino van?” Parks serve their purpose but only when there are other mothers to talk to whilst my kids entertain themselves and don’t get stung in the process.

The Noise Levels

Sorry?  What was that?  Couldn’t quite hear you there.  See, it takes about an hour after they go to bed before the noise, shrieks, shouts and roars leave my head.  When they go back to school I am going to be that lady on all the air freshener ads who walks around her house smiling, adjusting her curtains and caressing her soft furnishings.

Snack Time(s) and Ice Creams

My lads are grazers.  They prefer to eat little and often.  I will varmint if I have to prepare another load of pancakes, drop scones, pieces of fried bacon, ham sandwiches, bowls of chopped fruit or bowls of cereal.  Eat your dinner for cripes sake!

Contagious Bathroom Visits

I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a disease but it’s definitely catching.  As soon as I head in the direction of the bathroom, someone else announces they “need to go” and beat me to it.  Then the others decide they might as well take their bits out for an airing as I stand there, hopping from one foot to the other and shouting at them to hurry up.

Ah yes, all of that will stop and peace will reign for a few hours in the morning.  I will get to drink whole cups of coffee.  I will be able to listen to Ray D’Arcy on the radio in the mornings again.  Quite possibly as I am drinking my whole cup of coffee.

I am quite looking forward to leaving something down, maybe even a sharp knife, relaxed in the knowledge that it will still be there when I come back.  In fact, all of the cutlery can breathe a collective sigh of relief, knowing they won’t be brought out into the garden and used to carve up the earth.

But mostly, mostly I am looking forward to finishing some chocolate without having to share it.