In our house there are 6 sleeps left before the school gates
crank open and this year I will have three children attending school. Three down and one to go. Not that I’m counting or anything.
Now, having been there before you would think I’d be
familiar with all the do’s and don’ts.
Nah.
I keep screwing up and making a few new ones for good
measure.
First major screw up was a couple of weeks ago. I responded to yet another bathroom summons
by asking, “Who do you think is going to wipe your tush for you in school? MĂșinteoir certainly won’t.”
I never saw panic or upset like it before. “But who will then? Now I can’t go! How can I go to the bathroom if my teacher won’t
help me?”
He refuses to be shown how to do it or to even try it
himself.
This boy is completely without guile and it wouldn’t cost
him a thought to sit there and roar out like he does at home for someone to “wipe
my bum.”
I felt mean for bringing up the fact that wiping arses is
not part of a teacher’s job but I would be doing him an untold social injustice
if he went thinking it was. In the event
of no-one coming to his aid he wouldn’t think twice about leaving the vicinity
of the bathroom with everything down around his ankles and waddling up to
Muinteoir’s desk.
We are still working on it and when he is upset about
something, he will combine his concerns over this with a new fear of being made
leave home before he is ready and Jesus Christ, who thought it was a good idea
to let five year olds think anyway?
Then I made another blooper.
You know I have four boys, right?
Bear in mind I have been buying the same type of school
trouser in the same shop at the same time of year four years in a row now.
Three weeks ago I purchased a girls trousers for Oldest
Boy. I suppose these things happen when
there are 275 identical trousers ranging in ages from 4 yrs to 18 yrs all mixed up together and 3 of the boys
are crawling underneath the clothes rails with the other one sampling the
cosmetics.
I was this close
to going ahead and getting the hem turned up anyway rather than face the
torture of another trip back to the shop with the four of them in tow. In the end it was the image of Oldest Boy looking
like a 70’s throwback in flares that swung it for me.
And the award for biggest blooper goes to the boys
themselves.
They thought it would be mighty helpful or just damn funny
to tell Lovely Liam he would be getting an injection. In his arm. But it doesn’t hurt.
Too late. Way too
late. You had him at injection. He couldn’t hear anything else after “injection”
and “arm” due to all that blood rushing through his ears.
It also didn’t help matters that an episode of horrible
Horrid Henry was doing the rounds. The
one where he was getting his own injection at school.
Complete with totally exaggerated syringe and twelve inch
bore. Plus the horrible Horrid Henry
himself announcing in his completely annoying voice how painful it is.
Jesus wept!
So what’s ahead of me?
Probably just a scratchy jumper. One he will most likely refuse to wear. Complaints about tight shoes. A heavy school bag.
Oh and he also thinks he will be sharing a classroom with
his older two brothers.
You think Back to School is hard on the kids? It knocks ten bells out of the mothers.
Love this. Yes you are definitely right to explain re teacher not coming to wipe his bum as harsh as it seems now. They do so much growing up in the first year of school. Deep breaths for mammy!
ReplyDeleteIt just doesn't get any easier! Oldest Boy went with nary a problem/tear/issue. Nothing. The next two however are different breeds altogether. Even the 3 year old has announced he doesn't want to go to school.
DeleteLove this...in particular the last picture!! Number 3 starting this year for us too...she is waaaaay to excited, it's going to be a let down but nobody can dissuade her from the 'joy of big school'....I see tears in my future...hers, not mine!!!
ReplyDeleteI foresee lots of tears in my future too, Elizabeth. And I reckon some of them will be mine! I wish I was a homeschooler. I really do.
DeleteHa ha ha...but you had me at injection too, I'm so afraid of needles!
ReplyDeleteBut, Joanna, it's just a little prick. :)
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