Wonderful Wagon: 7 Random Facts About Our Dog

HER NAME IS Juno. She will be three in the summer.

I broke some of my rules for Mister Husband (No smokers, no facial hair and no-one younger than me) I broke all of my animal ones for our Juno girl. “We are never, ever getting a dog.” “We already have four kids. I do not want another one.” “Yes, I had a dog growing up. Yes, I loved him. But I’m an adult now. Dogs are stinky. Adults don’t have dogs.” “We are not getting one.” “Let’s get a goldfish. One of those ones out of the Christmas crackers.”

Then a stray wandered into our garden. The boys fell in love. Two days later the owners claimed him. The boys were devastated.

We got a dog. We got Juno. She is a lab collie cross, a big eegit, a jumper upper, a food stealer and the most affectionate thing you will ever meet. Even when it appears you are about to be devoured/bowled over by the hulking black wall of muscle that is coming at you like a steam train, all she wants is to give you a lick. If she really really likes you she will hump your leg. You should take this as a compliment.

Here follows 7 random facts about our Juno girl.

One time when she was feeling under the weather, she came upstairs looking for me. She decided to stop off in a bedroom where she climbed onto the bed, puked on it and then shat on it. There was a boy sleeping in it at the time. Under her mess. I woke to find her on the floor beside me. Then I found all of the other vom and all of the other poo all over all of the carpet on the landing.

I believe she can tell the time. Every day she would come to me at 4.55 and rest her chin on my thigh. If I ignored her she would put a little more pressure on my leg until I finally got up and collected the boy who was in Montessori at the time.

She understands: treat. Do you want your breakfast/tea? Run. Walk. Sit. Pop down. Up onto your seat. Come in. Go out. Go downstairs. I’m cross with you!

In the evenings when the boys are in bed, she curls up on the couch. At the sound of the fridge door being opened and a bottle of beer making that soft hiss as the lid is popped, she swaps seats because she knows someone else wants to sit on the couch.

When she was neutered I felt The Guilt. And then The Worry when she came home. She was so unsteady, terrified and out of it I honestly thought they had given us the wrong dog by mistake.

You know when your kids make you feel like the most out of control parent ever? I have a dog who does that. She hears cyclists before they appear. Thank god she gives the game away on herself so I can shorten her lead and step in. Otherwise she’d most likely be up on the crossbar with them!

She can open the back door to let herself into the house. Lately she waits for permission. Sometimes I’m mean and I make her wait a few minutes before I open the door fully and ask her, “Well? Are you coming in or what?” We’re working on getting her to shut it after her.

Did you know dogs can give great hugs? Yes, they can.