paddysnax.com |
Irish kids during
an Irish mini heatwave. In April. Sigh
Scenario 1.
Wanting to shed all of the clothes.
The first good day
appears in the middle of March. The day
before saw howling winds and rains that battered and maimed. The flowers in the garden are horizontal to
the ground, the refuse bins are in the hedge and the trampoline is like a bug
on its sorry back. But the sun has come
out. Wait! There it is………………no! Gone back behind the
cloud. Give it a minute. There!
There is is. Oh wait. Gone again.
But they want shorts and t-shirts.
It is a waste of perfectly good breath insisting that they will be back
in screeching about how cold it is and wanting coats. After the 73rd time of telling
them how mental an idea it is, a rogue child decides to go and find the summer
wear himself. The crazy thing is, he succeeded. Now why can’t he find his shoes in the box
under the stairs where they always are every other day?
Scenario 2.
Putting on Sun “scream.”
The sun is
shining, true, but you still wonder if they really need a bit of sunblock. You know you should put it on but that would mean having to get up and find the
half empty tube from last year. It could
be in The Bag (TM) under the stairs, in the hot press, with the swimming bag, in the pocket thingy in the car,
anywhere. Ah fek it, it’s not even 11am
yet. They’ll be grand. Won’t they?
But it niggles. Not only are they
irish kids, two of them are of the red haired variety. They’ll be roasted quicker than a vampire
before sundown. Ah fek this sodding weather
and why can’t you ever put the half empty tube of sunblock somewhere handy and accessible for the next year.
Now you have to get several kids into a headlock to apply same. Not worth it.
But you’d better just in case.
Scenario 3. It’s
too hot.
The sun is shining
and they are all sitting on the couch squabbling in the non cute way only kids
can. You calmly but through gritted
teeth suggest they all “pop outside” for a while. They snarl back they are not for “popping” anywhere
as there is there is the most pressing task of Xbox to be getting on with. Anyway, it’s way too hot out there, hadn’t
you noticed. It isn’t said but there is
a definite “duh!” implied. Little
shites.
Scenario 4.
Feeding them.
So the sun is out
and it is time to think about fodder. Easter
weekend is not too far in the ago and in an effort to pack some goodness into
them, the oven is turned on and the makings of a roast chicken dinner flung
into it. Shoulda stuck with a
salad. Or smoothies. Or jam sandwiches. Even Corn Flakes. They won’t eat the dinner. It’s too hot for hot food but the chicken
gets devoured and funnily enough hot chocolates are ok too.
Scenario 5.
Time for bed. Now they want to go
out and play.
Their aversion to
the sun disappears just as the
pyjamas appear. Suddenly it’s a great
idea to go outside. Your mental debate begins; get them straight back inside or just pour that glass of wine. The wine wins. You keep half an eye on the water gun. No way is that going out there; if they want
water fun they can bloody well wait till tomorrow!
twisty noodle.com |
Scenario 6.
Grubby kids.
Half a bottle of
wine o’clock later and it’s definitely time to get them in. After another twenty minutes and a quick top
up, they troop in, complaining and bringing the dirt of the day with them. You couldn’t be arsed making them
shower. A wash with a wipe will
suffice. The bed linen needs to be done
anyway. It really doesn’t matter that bits
of grass, smears of muck and sweat will be ground into the sheets. No, it doesn’t matter at all. At least it won’t when the bottle of wine is
finished. Maybe you should
have handed out that water gun after all.
newsbbc.co.uk |
Scenario 7. It rains.
They all look at
you like it’s your fault the sun has gone.
They wanted to go out and play
on the trampoline and spend some time
in the play house. One of them is raging because his bicycle skills needed perfecting. No, they do not want to go grocery shopping
with you. No, they do not want to see if
there is a good film on Netflix.
No! They most certainly do not
want to! Do anything! And you! Can’t make them!
dailyedge |
Never mind. There’s school on Monday. You won’t even care if it rains.
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