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| I can see clearly now |
Time waits for no man or mother but I can
still remember with perfect clarity, the struggles of babyhood as they applied
to me.
There are no babies in this house
anymore yet when the sun shines a particular way, or a rain drop hits my cheek
on a random Tuesday, I can be transported back to that time. A
smell, even a sound can open that Pandora’s box of not so nice memories.
See, the really young baby years
didn’t agree with me at all. I like to
think I have a certain perspective eleven years later because I have
comparisons now. Back then when the
babies arrived back to back, I was still caught up in one vortex when the next storm
landed. Trying to make sense of a
toddler and his moods and cognitive developments whilst grappling with a new-born
and those dreaded, god awful sleepless nights.
This is the eve of Oldest Boy’s
eleventh birthday. As I write this I
think about another Saturday evening eleven years ago in Kilkenny hospital when
contractions forced me out of my bed at exactly 6pm having been induced earlier
on that day.
He was born twelve hours later. A short albeit extremely painful and scary
twelve hours later.
I’ve always maintained that giving
birth is the easy bit; it’s what follows that tests us and gives us pause to
think.
Or drive us mad. Or make us stronger. Or wear us down.
There are those who say great things
are born from pain. I’m not sure I would
agree. Great things are also born from
joy.
I have a great deal of joy in my
life. I guess I always did but at times
there was a cloud over it, blocking my perspective.
That cloud has moved on now.
And like a random Tuesday recovering
from a summer shower, my path is clear and the air bright. There are also a few kids playing on it.
Four of them. I know them by their movements, their
laughter and the way they shout to each other.
Eleven years ago I was in labour for
the first time. The baby years are gone
now and another era stretches out in front of us. One of laughter and tears. A time of learning and discovery.
But if there are four kids walking that
path with me, I know we will be more than ok.